I have read the book "Every Woman's Marriage" many times over. A friend asked me for advice recently that I could give them before they got married. I found myself thinking of things I learned from this book a lot. So I decided I would revisit again. See what things I have and have not accomplished that I wanted to accomplish the last time I read. It is amazing to me how every time I read it a new angle is enlightened to me. Even more inspiring is how I have found that almost all of the concepts apply to more then just my marriage, but to relationships in general.
After reading a little last night I thought I would share some of my opening thoughts. I would highly suggest that if any of this speaks to you...which if you are a women...I almost guarantee it does...that you go grab a copy of the book for yourself!
Last night I read through page 11.
I love Shannon's stories about her life. I can almost substitute in names and you pretty much have moments in my life! How quickly the thrill of a relationship changes. I can see a correlation both in marriage and general everyday friends. All relationships have a romantic stage in my mind. One definition of romance is to woo or seek favor with. There comes a time when that isn't the daily case though. No one can support those standards long term. Everyone wants to get to a place where they don't have to work to be loved anymore. They just want to be. But in marriages especially we think that is what it should be like.
Shannon shares "With each passing day, I slipped into a depression. In hindsight, I realize that my unhappiness wasn't about what my husband was or wasn't doing; rather, it was about how I felt about myself. I needed Greg to affirm me, to make me feel beautiful, and to convince me that I was desirable, because I didn't know how to feel any of these things on my own. But at the time, I felt sure he was to blame."
Wow. Isn't that so true. I've been sharing with people recently how I have found that manipulation is rot in every women's heart (see page 61 in book for more on this). How we try to get people to do what we want so we can be affirmed in some way. Sometimes I feel like an ever open abyss put on this earth to constant recieve affirmation but nothing to ever come of it. Ryan could tell me 1 million times a day that I am beautiful but if I don't think I am beautiful it will never stick on me. It is an evil trick I think. Satan tells us we deserve to be affirmed. So we seek everyone affirming us. It is good to feel good about yourself. No one can deny that. But what the enemy oh so kindly leaves out is that it's no ones job but my own to feel that way. More on this later though...
When we are in that place of disillusionment, which living in America where media is flooded into us like a typhoon is easy to happen, we always think there must be something better. I love the story Shannon shares about Helen. The women who thought the if onlys. "That things will surely get better right around the corner." If only they bought a house, had children, infants grew up, husband gets a promotion...yadda yadda...as time passed by. Helen finishes with "I've been waiting for twenty-seven years, and frankly, I wonder if we'll ever have the marriage I've always longed for."
Shannon finishes the section with this "....she'll more then likely discover that there's one denominator in all her realtionships-her. As long as that common denominator is unhappiness with herself, she'll be unhappy with any relational equation." In context she is talking about a women thinking that her best option might be to find another spouse. But honestly when I read this statement it just spoke to me on so many other levels.
The first time I read this book was about 2 1/2 years ago. When I read the first chaper it really awakened me to some real life facts. The fact that no one would ever affrim me enough. There is not one person on this earth who can honestly meet that need for me. Like I said I'm an abyss, I will just absorb and absorb each one with no real change. God is showing me more and more how women need to hear this.
If I could give every one of my friends a copy and make them read it I would. Want to know where I got my wisdom? Well Jesus had a big part in it. But this book is a great tool in expressing what the bible really says about us.
Here is in excerpt from what I'll be reading tonight:
"Let's face it. Nothing magical happens once we put those rings on our fingers...At some point we have to put on our "big-girl panties" and go through the work of resolving our own issues, remedying our own insecurities, and becoming happy with ourselves before we can truely be happy in marriage."
Dude. Pick up a copy of this book.
"Every Women's Marriage: Igniting the Joy and Passion You Both Desire" by Shannon and Greg Ethridge
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